


Eccedentesiast

by Smosh (DeadLoaf)



Category: Smosh
Genre: Can be platonic or romantic, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:20:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21708130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadLoaf/pseuds/Smosh
Summary: “How do you do it?”“How do I do what?”“Pretend. Pretend you’re okay.”“I’m not pretending.”“Yes you are. Every single day, and it breaks my heart.”
Relationships: Damien Haas & Shayne Topp, Damien Haas/Shayne Topp
Comments: 4
Kudos: 119





	Eccedentesiast

**Author's Note:**

> _Eccedentesiast – someone who hides their pain behind a smile._

Shayne invited Damien over for the weekend, “It’s been a while since we hung out with just the two of us.” Intention-wise he was not telling the whole truth, but it was with a good reason and a reasonable explanation rather than with the attempt to hurt. Despite the unsaid deeper motive, having fun is still a must and the day was mostly spent on competitive gaming and bantering over pizza and pad thai.

Damien is the same as always, smiling, giggling, and being chaotic as he played. Only, he isn’t. He’s doing _it_ again.

 _It’s_ not something obvious and truthfully, Damien isn’t really acting out of the ordinary – but herein lies the problem. Damien rarely lies. To make up for that, he became very good at keeping things to himself. _Too good._

Eight years, that’s how long they have been friends. And no matter how much Shayne jokes about not paying attention and forgetting stuff, their friendship was something he valued very much and would never take for granted. Eight years is a long time for him to establish _what_ and what isn’t out of the ordinary.

He saw Damien ran a hand through his hair. What was usually soft and windswept lay flat on his head and looked hastily combed by fingers. An unexpected pun pulled a laugh out of him, but it sounded painfully hollow despite how boisterous it looked. Natural light and the light from the screen made his burnt sienna irises glow amber, diverting the attention from the dark bags under his eyes, so stark against his pallor. His smile stretched across his face like a parody of a grimace.

And yet, Damien looks so relaxed chilling beside him on the couch. So different from the past days where he looked so stiff and his shoulders held the weight of the world. Even if he wasn’t in the best headspace, he seemed to be trying to enjoy himself, and Shayne thinks it’s better than nothing. He cracked some jokes and teased some more, every genuine smile – no matter how small – felt like a victory. _Baby steps, baby steps._

By late evening, when they’ve set aside their controllers to watch some old series on Disney+, Damien looked more and more like himself. They decided to sleep a little early since they made plans to go out tomorrow, so Shayne bid Damien good night as he settled in the guest room.

A faint clatter startled Shayne awake. A quick check on his phone showed it was 2:15 in the morning. He debated whether to fall back asleep or check out what made the noise. In the end, paranoia and curiosity chose the latter.

He got out of bed and fixed his jumper and sweatpants before quietly opening the door and entering the kitchen. The moonlight and the lampposts outside shone through the window and washed the living room and parts of the kitchen in a muted glow. In front of the sink was the faintly illuminated figure of Damien, looking like a deer in headlights when he met Shayne’s questioning gaze.

“S-sorry, did I wake you?” Damien whispered guiltily, his voice sounding a bit hoarse.

“Yeah, it’s okay.” Shayne bit back a yawn and looked around the room, his eyes adjusting to the darkness. “What are you doing?”

“I...uh, I –” Just as he moved to set a small platter he was holding onto the counter, a ray of light caught Damien’s face and showed bloodshot eyes and the shimmer of tears.

In a few steps, Shayne stood in front of Damien and brought a hand to his cheek. It felt cold and damp.

“You were crying.” He could feel a flinch under his hand. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Damien shook his head and hastily mustered up a crooked smile. “I’m fine, something was in my eye and I tried to wash it –”

“Damien,” Shayne interrupted. He pulled Damien to living room to sit on the couch. The somber atmosphere discouraged him to turn on the lights, breaking the mood is the last thing he wanted to happen.

His friend now wore a more practiced smile, eyes crinkling to sell the act. “What’s up?”

Shayne bit his lower lip, suddenly unsure of what to say. Damien was putting up a brave front, and yet he looked so fragile in his eyes, a glass figurine trying to hide a fracture within its structure. “You know that I’m always here for you, right? You don’t have to hide anything from me.”

“I…I’m not.” The smile almost dropped, but like a puppeteer, Damien pulled the strings and the corners of his mouth lifted up in a semblance of an assuring smile. “And even if I did, I don’t want to burden you with mine. You already have enough on your plate.”

He fought the urge to sigh, _Typical Damien_. Damien has always been there for him through the highs and the lows, most especially when he needed him. Now it’s Shayne’s turn to return the favor. He scooted closer and placed a hand on Damien’s thigh.

“How do you do it?” 

“How do I do what?”

“Pretend. Pretend you’re okay.”

Damien looked taken aback, inhaling sharply and eyes widening, “I-I’m not pretending.”

Shayne took Damien’s freezing hands and gently covered both with his own warm ones. “Yes you are. Every single day, and it breaks my heart.” He blinked back the tears trying to escape because his best friend who clearly needed (and wanted) help was being stubborn and stupid. If Damien keeps this up, he will eventually break and Shayne feared the day he won’t be able to piece him back together again.

“I’ve noticed these past weeks, but I was waiting for you to talk to me.” His hands tightened their hold. “And even if you’re not ready to talk about it yet, I want you to know that I don’t mind if you share the burden with me. You’re not alone. And we’ve always worked better together, right?”

There was silence, then Shayne heard a faint crack. He felt the hands in his hold tremble. Damien’s façade slowly broke like a porcelain mask, a crawling spider web spreading out to the edges until it shattered. Tears cascaded and just as the first sob escaped Damien’s throat, Shayne pulled him into a hug.

Arms clutched desperately at his back and he held his best friend tighter. Damien’s body shook with the strength of his sobs and Shayne felt the porcelain shards digging in and breaking his heart further. Damien was trying to hold everything in, and it was a testament to how much he’s hiding that just a few sincere words from Shayne pushed him to the breaking point.

Shayne placed a kiss on Damien’s hair and rubbed circles on his back. “I’m here. I’m here.” He whispered like a mantra.

When the sobs quieted down and Damien slowly pulled away, there was a small smile on his lips as he wiped his tears with his sleeves. There was a glimmer in his eyes that shone through the dim room. He still looked very tired but there was a lightness in the way he carried himself. He sniffed, “Thank you Shayne, I really needed that.”

The air carried with it the feeling after a long shower of cool rain.

Shayne smiled back and held out a hand, “Come on buddy, let’s go back to sleep.”

Damien blinked owlishly before accepting the offer and allowed himself to be led to the rooms, only stopping when Shayne pulled him to his own. “Wait, isn’t my room there on the other side?”

“Yeah, but I don’t think you’d want to be alone after that, so you’re sleeping with me.” It was more along the lines of _‘I don’t want you to feel alone’_ , but Damien appreciates it all the same.

Shayne gave a teasing grin, “Don’t let your mind go down the gutter.” Blushing, Damien sputtered but allowed himself to be pulled into the bedroom. Thankfully, the bed was large enough to fit two bulky men with room to spare.

It was awkward at first, but after settling under the covers, he felt Damien relax and let out an appreciative hum. He lied on his side to face Damien, “Are you comfortable?”

“Yeah.” There was a bit of rustling before Damien spoke again. “Uh, if you’re not up to it, it’s fine. But, do you mind if…?” He could almost imagine Damien’s hands trying and failing to gesture as he thought of how to word his request better. Shayne merely snorted in amusement and moved closer to wrap his arms around Damien and tuck his head under his chin.

Shayne felt arms hesitantly do the same and let a quiet content sigh escape. The rise and fall of the chest against his body eventually evened out and he smiled to himself.

Even if Damien still wasn’t ready to share what’s been eating him up, Shayne would be there to remind him that there is a broad shoulder for him to lean and cry on when he can’t take it anymore. There is someone who will listen so he won’t have to suffer alone.

And even if their plans to go out would be a little delayed, at least he was able to help Damien release some of the baggage he had been carrying around for a long while now.

Feeling a sudden exhaustion settle into his bones, Shayne sunk further into the comfortable warmth of another body and allowed himself to be lulled to sleep by the soft sound of Damien’s steady breathing.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired from [this post](https://smosh-incorrect-quotes.tumblr.com/post/189309026441/shayne-how-do-you-do-it-damien-how-do-i-do)
> 
> Fanart I drew for this: [link on Tumblr](https://blue-cassowary.tumblr.com/post/189534363844/eccedentesiast-how-do-you-do-it-how-do-i-do)
> 
> Hope you like it :)


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